Finding love in Tinglayan, Kalinga: Courtship and getting married the Isumacher way

Nowadays, the process of courting then marrying the love of your life could be a piece of cake if you are lucky. You just need a phone and the Internet.

But even in this modern time, some traditions never go away.

In Kalinga Province, particularly the Sumacher Indigenous Cultural Community of Tinglayan, their ancestors practiced and have handed down a unique way of courting their women. The main aim of the practice is to test the intentions for a certain period of time before a couple could finally be married and live together.

This practice is slowly vanishing.

Guru Press Cordillera visited Sumadel barangays to find out more about this vanishing practice being revived through the education of the young Isumachers.

The Courtship Stage

In the olden times, the Isumacher Indigenous Cultural Community (ICC) ladies have their own circle of lady friends. These ladies would often sleep in one of the houses of their friends. Men will then go there to visit these ladies.

Schools of Living Traditions - Kalinga Coordinator Rebecca Alngag-Silip shared that most of the time, the men would bring with them a bamboo musical instrument such as “tungali” (flute) or “urfit” and would play these instruments while talking with the ladies.

When a man wants to marry a maiden, he would confide to his friends that he is interested to marry one of the ladies. The man to whom he confided will tell the friends of the lady the purpose of his friend so the ritual takes place as a proof that the man is sincere.

Before the ritual, the friends of both parties together with an elder person living in said house would interview the man first with to determine if he is really sincere.

To start with, one of the maiden’s friends will then get a cup or bowl of water and give it to the man saying, “if you really love our friend, then drink from this.”

If the man is sincere enough, he will sip from the cup of water then gives it back to the one who offered him. The same cup will be given to the maiden and will also be asked to sip water from the cup if she has feelings for the man.

“If both of them feels the same, that is settled then. The man will be advised to “manugtukaw” (act of getting logs the following day) the following day,” Silip said.

However, if the girl does not like the man, she will never touch the cup of water offered.

This should not make the man stop as he has still chance of getting the “yes” of the girl by continuously pursuing her with the help of his friends and the girl's friend and relatives but if not effective, this is the time that the man will stop and find another woman to pursue.

When are men allowed to do the ‘Tugtukaw Ritual’?

As narrated by Silip, the ‘Tugtukaw’ ritual will only happen if there is a mutual understanding between the two or if both of their parents agreed.

At times, Silip said that parents intervene especially if they are in favor of the man. Even if the maiden does not like the man, “tugtukaw” still takes place but the sipping of the water is being skipped.

To do this, most of the time, if the parents of the man are in favor of the maiden, they would be the one to send their son to the house of the maiden or vice versa.

For girls, they would go to the house of the man and wash plates, pots or clothes, clean the house, pound rice or help in the field works while for the man, he will help in the fieldworks, get fire woods, chop fire woods, among others.

“I interviewed more than 10 couples who married without courtship but there was “tugtukaw” because the parents of the son are in favor of the girl. Some of them took a year before sleeping with the “itinakdang lalake” for her,”Silip narrated.

“I asked what her feelings were and she answered that “kasanu nga saan nga kayaten ket isu lang met ti makitkita nga lalaki ta isu met ti umay mangmangan kada agtrabaho,” Silip added.

Accordingly, in the process, there will be those that will end up with each other but there are also those that will not. If unable to end up to that so called ‘happily ever after’, the relatives of both of the parties will find another pair to continue the courtship.

As for instances that the parents are not in favor of their child’s lover, they were usually unable to marry each other but if the two of them are willing enough to fight for their relationship even if it is against all odds, they can still continue.

The ‘Tugtukaw’ ritual

Once confirmed that the couple liked each other, a ritual called ‘tugtukaw’ will be performed the following morning where the guy, together with his friends will get woods.

If they happen to see a rat or a snake crossing their path or a “ichao” chirping along the way to the forest, they would not continue. Or if somebody sneezes as they jump-off, they will not continue and will wait for another month.

If able to continue, the men are required to be at the woman’s place on or before 10 AM.

“The reason is awan pay unay agbaybayu kada agtaep. Dapat saan da mataulan ti aso iti dalan da a mapan idiay balay ti babae as the barking of dogs is a sign of bad omen. Upon arrival, they will put down the logs and leave immediately.”

In bringing the log, the “sagkaypo” instrument, or “ferngifang” bamboo instrument or both are being played by the guy’s friends along their way heading to the girl’s house.

After leaving the girl’s house, the man takes a bath and return to the woman’s house accompanied by his friends for them to have a meal.

“Nu mapan da mangan, bassit lang kanu ti kanen ti lalake ta ti rason ket nu makita diay babae or the parents ti babae a nagad-adu ti kanen na ket baka madismaya da,” Silip said.

The next morning, someone will be asked to go to the man’s house and tell him to eat at the woman’s house. At first, the guy will be accompanied going to the woman’s house to eat but after some time, he will be doing the process alone.

“Usually nu mapan mangan ket adda kadwa na agingga is-isunantu ti mapan mangan. Irugi nantu met nga agserbi ti pamilya ti babae," Silip told.

When will the two be allowed to live together?

The young man and young lady will not be allowed to live together even after the ‘panagkayu’ or the activity of gathering wood. The man has to do services to the family showing his capability to take care of the woman.

The parents shall determine when they think the man has satisfied their requirements. The service can take several months to even more than a year before the couple to be will be permitted to live under one roof and sleep together as husband and wife.

Accordingly, no dowry is involved in the marriage.

Educating the Isumacher children

Through the Schools of Living Traditions, Silip proposed the project focused on the revitalization of the vanishing Mother Tongue of the children born in Tabuk City, performing arts and multimedia and partnered with Barangay Sumadel 1 while the fund came from the National Commission on Culture and the arts.

The project was focused on the three SLT Intangible Cultural Heritage (ICH) elements namely Domain 1 which focuses in the Mother Tongue (Oral Tradition-Commedia), SLT ICH Domain 2, Performing Arts which focuses in chants, dances and playing bamboo musical instruments and SLT ICH Domain 3 that focuses on Social Practices, Rituals and Festive Events (Multimedia). Each domain has twenty-six enrollees.

Mother Tongue was implemented in Barangay Bulo as the children born in Bulo, Tabuk use of the Sumacher language was found to be faulty (wrong conjugation, mixed with iluko and Tagalog language).

Performing arts and Multimedia, on the other hand were implemented in Sumacher for the reasons that there are elders and culture masters who are knowledgeable about the practices. Teachers from the elementary and Junior High school of Sumadel 1 and 2 were tapped as culture masters and elders were consulted from time to time.